How Having Ego Attachment Causes Pain

Having a meditation practice has really changed my life and perspective for the better. I realise new things every day and through observation of myself and others I have learnt how to take responsibility for myself and my actions.

I recently observed how easy it is to blame others for how we are feeling. When we realise that the thoughts and expectations we have of anyone or anything creates a huge problem for us we can take responsibility for them.

Imagine... Your'e in a relationship and you have a set idea of how things 'should be'. You have a configured set of beliefs around how they should act, behave and treat you. That all sounds fine, however, if they don't abide by the expectations you have of them and act differently god help them.

However, if you really think about it, who is to blame? Them or you? How can you blame someone for not living up to your ideals and thoughts of how they should be? They have their own ideals and way of doing things, so why do you expect them to do things the way you want them to, and then attack them for not living up to your expectations of them?

When you have no expectations of anyone, no thoughts of what 'should' or 'should not' be, you are free to allow each to be who they are according to themselves.

Maybe you think that they know better, and maybe they can be trained and manipulated to be the way you want them to be; is that really what you want? Someone who does as you tell them to appease your insecurity, or someone who thinks for themselves and takes responsibility for their actions without being told they are 'wrong' according to you?

What makes our expectations not being met so intense is the attachment we have to feeling accepted and good enough in someone else's eyes. We feel unworthy so we attack them in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. Does it really work though?

Who is this 'I' that is perceiving itself as being attacked? What does it really matter? Why do we create a thought in our mind, believe it and then hold other people at ransom to it? It was just a thought that we made up and believed.

Instead, notice when you are feeling 'let down' by another, and look at where the feeling really comes from. Is it because of a belief you have that is not being met, or is it really their fault?